MEM: How did this book come to you? Did you approach HarperCollins or did they approach you?

JS: I actually met with some literary agents; then together we approached publishing companies. So we did approach HarperCollins with the idea.

MEM: How long did it take to get everything together?

JS: The whole entire process of writing this book, whether it was meeting with the agents--it was right after Bacherlorette ended-- was a 2-year process. It does take a long time. When you start you don’t realize how long it’s going to take and you think, ' Well, it's never going to come out. Nobody will care in two years.' It definitely took a longer time that I though, but I loved every minute of it.

MEM: There are tons of dating books on the shelves. What does your book provide that the others, like the once popular The Rules, don’t ?

JS: This isn’t necessarily about dating. It’s about being single, I’m 30 years old, and I am okay with it. It’s about not settling with the wrong person. It teaches women that it is okay to be independent and strong, and your life does not start once you meet a man.There are books out there like The Rulesadvising on what you have to do to meet and keep a guy, or He’s Just Not That Into You, which I love by the way, but there’s nothing out there for women telling them it’s okay to be single.

MEM: Is that way of thinking society’s fault or our mothers who were taught by their mothers that being married is the ultimate prize?

JS: Society. Everybody wants to find true love, fall in love, and be married, especially women, and I think there is so much emphasis put on that wedding experience. It is your day to be a princess, your fairy-tale moment. That’s when the pressure comes in and your mother is telling you, ‘Oh you’re never going to get married. What is wrong with you? I want someone to be taking care of you.' And my response is, 'I don’t need someone to be taking care of me anymore. It’s not the same as it was when you were my age.'

MEM: I think it’s the grandchildren. They want the grandchildren.

JS: [laughs] Absolutely. Especially when all their friends are having grandchildren, and they are the only ones who are not pulling out the pictures duringdinner, and they start to freak out.

MEM: This is what I find interesting, that people conveniently ignore. There are all these spectacular weddings, but there are more divorces. It’s kind of like law school. So many law students and not too many lawyers.

JS: Exactly!

MEM: Why do you think the divorce rate is so high?

JS: I think the younger you are when you get married, the likelihood is higher of getting divorced. When you are 22 or 23 years old, you’re not going to be the same person as you are when you reach your 30s. Your 20s is such a learning experience that I think it’s hard for people to make decisions about who to spend the rest of their lives with. I mean, how hard is it to find a career, and what am I going to do with my life? That is what you’re thinking when you are in your 20s. And you’re supposed to find a mate at that point in your life? Like I said in the book, I can’t even decide on a pair of shoes half the time. It’s an unsure stage of your life in your 20s. I think the older you are the better it is, because you know who you are, and you know what you’re looking for.

MEM: Do you think it’s harder for women to choose when they have so many options that weren't available before?

JS: We can hold off on having a family; we can work on furthering our careers. Basically, we are becoming the men we wanted to marry that Gloria Steinman prophesied in the 70s. I think those are the reasons why women are not getting married. We do not need a man to support us. We have friends, we make money to support ourselves, we have our independence, and that is hard to give up when you’re not meeting the right person. I want to have a family, be married, and all of that, but I don’t want to do it with the wrong person. I would rather be single than be with the wrong person.Thinking about a relationship is exhausting.

MEM: Let’s talk a moment about the infamous book The Rules.

JS: For one, the book brought back extremely old-fashioned ideas on how to get a man’s attention. He needs to call you Wednesday for a Friday night date, or else don’t go. Simply ridiculous and backward thinking! Secondly, one of those ‘expert’ authors got divorced a few years later, so her credibility was destroyed. You should not be the one pursuing the guy. If he really likes you, and he wants to be with you, he will pursue you. I am not saying you shouldn’t let a guy know you are interested or give him a nudge, but let him do the pursuing.

MEM: I can relate to Dawn on page 45. I am also straightforward and don’t date often. I freaked one guy out I was talking too for awhile when I bluntly said, ‘Look when are we going out?’ He looked shocked by what I said. Then you know it will not work out, because that is who you are. If he cannot deal with it, then you weed him out.

JS: But those are consequences that women like Dawn and I face. You can only be candid for so long, and then you start re-thinking your approach and try something else. You just have to be yourself, and eventually you’re going to meet the person you fit with. Eventually he will appreciate your boldness. And until then, you are going to be just fine.

MEM: How in the world did you handle the backlash from The Bachelor and The Bachelorette? First, you left Mr. Got-it-all-Together Firestone, and then you did not choose either of the two guys on The Bachelorette. What was going through your mind?

JS: I thought I was going to die. I went on stage thinking I knew what was going to happen and something completely different happened. I just stood there stunned.

MEM: When you did not choose anyone, I thought, ‘Damn this chick has balls. She pissed off the producers, people who steadily watched for several weeks, and then, nothing!

JS: It was rough afterwards. Many people were really mad at me, and thought I was this awful person. What was it going to take to make me happy? And I do understand that. People invested in watching the show, but they don’t really know me. But then it got to the point that some tried to find my e-mail address, writing me letters and ones to my parents. It was hard to hear, and I did definitely start questioning myself and worrying what wrong with me. Overall, I was so happy with what I did. But it seemed that people believed it was always my fault. I don’t think anyone thought, maybe they are not right together, or maybe he did something. I was the only person at fault. In general, I think that is the message women get if they cannot keep a man. It’s not about keeping the man; it is about finding the person who is right for you.

MEM: And how are you doing now?

JS: Very happy about my life. I am really happy with my job. I just bought a place, and I am so excited about the book. I am in a really good place

MEM: Do you still believe you will meet your ideal person?

JS: Yes, I do. I don’t know when, but I believe I will.

MEM: And if you don’t?

JS: I will still be okay.

Book signings at Border’s Westwood, Tuesday, Feb. 6 at 7 p.m. located at 1360 Westwood Blvd. (310) 475-3444. For more details, visit www.bordersstores.com. Also at Vroman’s Bookstore in Pasadena, Wed. Feb. 7th at 7 p.m. located at 695 E. Colorado Blvd (626) 449 – 5320. For more details, visit www.vromansbookstore.com